I dunno, guys.
I want to say this stuff doesn’t matter, I want to say I didn’t take seventeen pictures or thirty or more and never posted them, I want to say it’s easy to just join in –
I know. I know I’m strong, I know that I don’t break when most of the rest of the world would have broken hours ago. I know… all kinds of good things.
I’m not going to diet. I can’t, I can’t go there and I won’t anymore, it’s just not a good or healthy place for me and I can’t and I watch you all admiring your bodies and each other’s and I do too. Admire.
But it’s not going to be me.
I’m going to be powerful. I’m going to be ferocious and strong and braver than all kinds of people, I’m going to do things other people don’t do, I’m going to be the one that stops, at the wreck, or goes into the water I’m the one who gives a shit when others often don’t. I’m the one who puts my life on the line for someone else; I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again. And again.
But I’m not the one showing my body off because I just don’t have that.
And I can’t try and measure my worth that way anymore because my head turns inside out and I come up short and I end up hating myself and I’ve worked really hard in my life to not get to that place.
It doesn’t mean I’m not disappointed.
It doesn’t mean some part of me doesn’t want to be the princess.
It just means I grew up and moved on and forged better paths, better steel for myself but sometimes, yeah.
Sometimes I want all that and it’s a bit like being outside looking in, and I don’t know if that makes sense or not.
Because it’s not about you, it’s about me, and I’m always, always ‘mirin.
No matter what, hey?
Love you all lots. Lots.