O bby I love you tattoo gym guy

So I go over to a Chain Gym What Shall Remain Nameless that is near my house. Because, you know, I’ve been working out over in RI but sometimes might like to work out over here, so I go because they are all CHEAP AND BEST WORKOUT GYM YES YES YES EVER. And stuff.

So I go and pull up and go in and the first thing that hits me is like


followed by

wow, that is a lot of plastic.

Anyway, but okay, it’s inexpensive, that’s fine, so I go to the counter and say “could I have a tour or just check out your free weights section.” And SkinnyCuteWorkoutGirl is all “it’s over there by the mirrors.”

And folks, I can see the end of the machines and the bank of mirrors and I’m telling you right now from where I was standing it wasn’t even like a SPACE AT ALL THERE.

“By the mirrors?” I asked her.

“O yes,” she said.

So I go over there and they have a rack or two of dumbbells and some fixed barbells and then like three Smith machines and um.

That’s about it.

I go back over to the counter.  I try not to be all EXCUSE ME THAT IS NOT FREE WEIGHTS in her face, and I say “no, but really,” like she was just playing a funny joke on me, “where are the free weights?” And she said, you know, those are them.

Blink, says I, and then “er. You have no actual plates and bars at all?”

And she gets a ZOMG WAT look and waves the big tattooed guy who has been listening this whole time over and he has to actually come out from behind the counter to have this conversation with me, apparently. So he’s standing there and he’s the kind of guy, I know, who is kind of like the male version of me, who knows he’s big and powerful and has gorgeous tattoos but isn’t quite sure of his body anyway, and stands like that, like six foot two hundred some of apology.

“We have barbells,” he said.

“You have fixed barbells,” I corrected, “and they only go up to 75. What happens if I want to deadlift 135?”

“You can use the Smith machine,” he said and I’m just looking at him and he goes “it’s just the same as free weights” and I’m still looking at him and he says “you can just – “

And he stops.

Because I’m still looking at him.

“I wondered,” I said, “if you could really finish that sentence while looking me in the eye with a straight face.”

“Not really,” he said. And he got this grin and I said

“Okay, just making sure,” and now I’m laughing and he’s laughing and he has the best smile EVER and he said,

“I’m supposed to say that,” and I said I knew, and we laughed some more and I said “so, really, free weights?” and he leaned in a little and said the name of their competitor, quietly.

And I said “ZOMG I DO NOT WANT TO SELL MY FIRSTBORN JUST TO LIFT,” and he assured me no their prices weren’t bad at all while he’s standing there among all the purple equipment and furniture and stuff kind of like Disneyland only workouts. You know.

So I thanked him and went off and turns out my gym has a gym on this side of the commute anyway and the equipment’s older and friendlier, somehow. And so are the guys who work out there, so that’s great, really.


Purple gym guy.

You are awesome.

You made my day.

9 thoughts on “O bby I love you tattoo gym guy

  1. This made me LOL. We found the rest of the free weights behind a wall and it was like stepping into Narnia. They keep the squat racks/barbells in a separate area from the dumbbells.

  2. Out here in Long Beach, we had a “sport” level gym-that-shall-not-be-named-but-is-open-24-hours that tripled its size and reopened as a “super sport.” Two stories, maybe 20,000-30,000 square feet. The free weight section? A squat rack, a smith machine, and two benches.

  3. Is their any chance you would name the competitor to the big purple box gym? I’m from the area and am always on the lookout…

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